I woke up this morning to the sounds of thunder clapping and rain tapping outside my bedroom. The sounds were so enticing, that I found myself drawn to the cement front porch with the haphazardly hung roof line held up unconvincingly with 4x6's, still in their natural grain. I sat on the steps by the door, shoddy painted blue wooden siding to both sides of me for nearly an hour just watching the rain coming down. The wind blew the stout sunflowers over as if they had dropped something precious on the ground and needed to pick it up. Little birds chirped in the morning shower, cleaning the grit and grime that had accumulated over the past dry, warm week. The cracked ground eagerly soaked up the beads of moisture and disbursed it among the many thirsty plants.
As I sat there, I found myself thinking about this journey that I've been traveling, seemingly unsuccessfully. I realized how often I moped about "poor me" and this unbearable diagnosis. So jealous of those who were witness that it could be conquered, I just felt that I was never one of those people. I missed having Tina support me as I battled through this. IT WASN'T FAIR!!!! But, then again, who decides what is fair? Of course the person in self pity, doesn't think anything that doesn't work in there favor is lacking in fairness. Was that me? Was I so consumed with self loathing that I couldn't see the strength that I had to fight this? Sadly, I do believe this is true. I face today, slightly sleepy from getting up so early, but boldly and decidedly. I am strong. I am a fighter. I AM A SURVIVOR, A VICTOR! I am Jamie, the daughter of amazingly STRONG women, and I will triumph.
Hi. My name is Jamie Huntsman Coulter and I have bipolar disorder.
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