Good bye, my friend. In memory of Kevin Scott

I met Kevin during my summer spent in intensive therapy. From the beginning, there was a spark to him. He had a great sense of humor and an amazing way of caring for others... always trying to build them up. He never could see what a wonderful man he really was. After our time spent in group concluded, I didn't think I would ever hear from him again. You know how it goes, you make friends here and there and shed them just the same. Well, one day I receive a random text message from an unknown person, asking me how I was. Kevin had stayed connected to a mutual friend and asked her for my number. From there, we started to talk nearly everyday. I would wake up and there would be a text telling me good morning and telling me to get out of bed. We chatted about how he felt about himself and he would tease me about deflecting when it came to talking about me. Anytime I ever put myself down, he was there to scold me and pick me back up. Kevin told me that I was his best friend and to be honest, he was mine. I knew that I could say anything, even if it was for shock value, and he was always supportive. He threatened to kick my ass so many times for talking about how I just wanted to die. He'd get all pissy about me trying to bug him while he worked on building his new home. He'd tell me how he was gonna make me come out there and help him when it was freezing. LOL. We'd plan our great escape of running away together to avoid the pains of this world. He was my hero! I loved him so much for what he gave me through this summer. There are so many wonderful memories with him, I could go on forever.

So, Monday, after not hearing from him since Thursday, I sent him a text, teasing him about forgetting about his best friend. I had tried to contact him over the weekend, to no avail. When he responded, he told me that he had fallen off his roof and through a window pane or something to that degree. He had broken some ribs and had some stitches. He was in a lot of pain, but alive and at home. On Tuesday I sent him a text letting him know I was thinking about him, but didn't hear anything back. At 7 am this morning, I answered my phone to hear that he had died. At this point I'm still not sure what happened...

I'm heart broken. While Kevin and I were friends for only months, I did grow to love him as if I had known him for years. I am struggling to get a grasp on this, but I know that I will... just as I did after Tina died.

Life is nothing but a series of interruptions.

I don't usually spend time preaching to the masses on here. To be honest, while I do believe that Christians should be a witness, I don't believe that they should bombard others with their believes. I believe in a mutual respect between all beliefs... I'm in no position to try and convince anyone that they are wrong in what the belief, as I stand upon my own shaky ground of belief....

However, I have had moments in my life, especially over the last couple years, that have seemed to have a message just for me. It seems as if God is telling me that I need to get my life together. I can't always explain the situation, the epiphany, the light at the end of the tunnel.... It just happens, ya know? Like today.

I've been living in this mental HELL. Each day feels like my insides are trying to break free of the confinement of my skin. It's horrible. I want to die. Seriously. Death is such a rewarding escape. I couldn't take much more.

The last time I went to church, I left in panic. I couldn't think in that building. My mind kept racing, screaming, "GET OUT!!!" I plotted my exit, to be of the least disturbance and drove home as fast as I could. I hid in my room... Getting me out of there was as likely as our success in Iraq... nonexistent.

Last night I decided to go to church again. It was calling me.

This is what I learned:

Life is nothing but a series of interruptions. We spend our days waiting to get through the next issue...

-once we get our finances on track

-once I start to feel better

-once I overcome this illness

-once my kids grow up

Instead of living for the day, we live for what might come tomorrow... As if we decide our own destiny. It's like we think that once the finances get on track NOTHING else will become an obstacle; it will just be smooth sailing. In reality, though, the finances fall on and off the track, the kids grow up but still need your guidance, the illness comes and goes, and you neglected God. Of course, you may wonder, where God would come into this.... But, we have to remember

1.God knows where we are and what we are going through.

2.To seek God now and to live now instead of waiting until our situation changes.

3.God's plans are better than ours.

He hasn't forgotten you. He knows right where you are.

4.We can trust that God is good and that everything he does is for our own good... (we can't say the same for our own actions)

We miss him because we want answers and we are not seeking him.

5.We can be assured that is we genuinely seek him, we will find him.