Frustrated, shaky, nervous, antsy, fidgety
Can't sleep, lay there feeling like I'm about to crawl out of my skin, body is shaking. I've slept less than 10 hours over 72 hours.
Can't stop craving attention. Talk to a third guy, all sex talk. Shaking. When texting it feels rushed and nervous. Feeling like a whore. I know I shouldn't talk to him. I don't even like him, but he's telling me he wants me, telling me I'm sexy, misses me from before, how I turn him on. I'm a horrible person.
Excited - the second guy texted and talked for awhile. Felt wanted again. Confused. Why am I doing this again????
Guilty, confused, sad, disappointed. I have to stop this before it gets out of hand. I'm back in a hole of wanting to drink and party. I have to refocus. I know I should just stifle and live my life with Shane. I can't keep doing this. Keep going in these circles. These other men will never leave their wives, they will never want me completely. I'm nothing. I'm a whore. I don't deserve to be happy. I only bring deceit and pain to people. I wish I could go to sleep and just not wake up.
Why can't they love me??
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