4am - I am goin on no sleep, abou to go on a boating trip, excited, but apprehensive. Shane got upset w/ me rushing them, saying "We're not all bipolar and can stay up all night." Hurt, sad, defeated. I will never be good enough. Even wen I try, it doesn't work.
Later he sucks, but I don't give in his apologies. He always finds new ways to hurt me.
After the trip, dad drives off the road on his way home. Later I find out that it was because he and Jeff were smoking pot and he handed his stash to my 14 year old sister to hold. I'm PISSED!!!
Justina tells me that her and Job get high with dad. I'm so overwhelmed, confused, pissed, hurt, sad, DEVASTATED.
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