Thursday, May 20, 2010

August 21, 2009

I AM NOT THE CRAZY ONE

Feeling - confused, frustrated, annoyed
Thought - I must be really crazy. Why can't I control this, make it better. I'm failing.
Rationale - I kno it can take a year to get meds right. It takes time. It will come, I hope.

Kim thinks I need to revisit Jatla. I must not be doing well... I feel like I'm on top of the world... Functional, efficient, competent.

Feeling - confused, insecure
Thought - I am lead him on. He keeps texting and I like the attention. Am I really the woman everyone hates? Stop it! Stop it! You'll always be a whore... don't fight it.
Rationale - I have to be stronger. Avoid it. He will never give me what I need.

He keeps making contact. I can't ignore him. But I joke and then tell him no. I shouldn't even text him back. I feel like I'm pulling back again.

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