I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling today. Maybe jealousy, anger, disappointment.... The thing is, I told my husband for father's day that I wanted him to go on a fishing trip with his brother and best friend. I really do want him to enjoy his trip. However, the closer this event has come, the more upset I have been. This is due to several factors; 1-He didn't even get me a card for mother's day, 2-I'm the one working a ton of overtime, plus a second job, whereas some weeks he doesn't even work his regular 40, 3-I haven't been able to do anything fun this summer and now his ass is sitting in a hotel room, preparing to go out on a boat and enjoy a day on the lake. What am I going to be doing, while he is out fishing??? Oh, that's right, I'll be working another 16 hour shift. That's my life, a series of naps between work shifts.
I don't want to talk to him about this. I'm sure it's my own self-centered desires that are blinding me with my dis-satisfaction, and I don't think that's fair to him. I just don't understand why I always try to make sure he is happy with his gifts and he doesn't ever seem to put the same effort into my gifts. To be honest, it really is hurting my feelings that he didn't get me anything for Mother's day. I know I'm not his mother, but I am the mother to his children... He's not my father, but I want him to enjoy this fishing trip as his Father's day gift. Am I really not valued by him in the same manner that I value him?
I really should stop stressing it. It isn't worth the heart ache.
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