I wanna go home... I miss you, you know

As I laid here Wednesday, in my own party of self pity, my stepmom of 20 years laid dead on her living room couch, no one paying attention as if she were a fly on the wall. I'm enraged as I think about her lying there, dead at 4 in the afternoon, all alone in her world of pain. She's pain free now.

As I drove to her home, all around me the world continued to move. I wanted to scream at them that something horrible had just happened! Stop mowing your lawns and cry with me. But not one person realized that we had lost her.

I'm so lost without her. I could tell her anything and she would listen, not judging me, not trying to fix the world for me. She would offer me her ear, her shoulder to cry on. And now, I'm all alone, without my bestfriend. I don't know how to deal with the pain. I keep thinking, "just swallow it down, this too shall pass." But why the hell should it pass, why did she have to pass???? She was only 42, not 82; it wasn't her time. I hope she's safe and watching over us.

She would tell me not to cry, that I was strong enough, but I don't believe it. I don't think I can handle this. I miss her so much, and it hasn't even been 48 hours. I'll never hear her voice again or feel her supportive hug... I've lost my second mom. How does a person handle that? God, wasn't taking the first one good enough for you???? Didn't you fuck me up enough in childhood? Am I not allowed to have a mother in my life? Why do you hate me so? Can't I just live a happy life? I'm trying to be a good person and do the right things... It just isn't worth it. I wish I could have went with her. I don't want to be here anymore. I wanna go home too.....

Home - Michael Buble

Another summer day
has come and gone away
In Paris or Rome...
but I wanna go home...
uhm Home
may be surrounded by
a million people I
still feel all alone
just wanna go home
I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters
that I wrote to you,
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you?
I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane, another sunny place,
I'm lucky I know
but I wanna go home
I got to go home

Let me go home

I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living
someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
when everything was going right
And I know just why you could not come along with me
This was not your dream
but you always believed in me...

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
in either Paris or Rome
and I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
still feel alone
Let me go home
I miss you , you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
baby I'm done
I gotta go home

Let me go home
it'll all be alright
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home"