Can a quiz really establish how well a person knows someone? Ten simple questions later, I feel like a fool. How relevant is knowing what a person's favorite car is, when quite honestly I'm not sure what year my own car is. A car, in itself, does not make the man or woman, for that matter. Nor does a car reflect the person's core values, their innermost desires, their goals... Eleven years worth of a relationship forms enough bonds and memories to compensate for lacking the correct answer about a car or beer. Regardless of this questionaire, I know the person for their being, maybe I am missing some trivial tidbits of information, but it is this whole being that I love completely, not a car he may never buy.
I am struggling with feelings of guilt... I reflect upon the years I had with Tina, all 20 of them, and while the first 9 were part of my childhood, the last 11 were filled with a melting pot of emotions. I'm sad that I didn't take more time to get to know her. The last five years we started to get close, but in retrospect, I wonder if I have lived in a bubble of self-centered pity that I never gave her the opportunity to use me as a friend. She was the one person that I trusted with every aspect of my life, I knew I could tell her anything and it was safe... But did she feel the same with me? Was our relationship one-sided? Where is my quiz to determine how well I knew her? I don't think she really had a favorite car, except maybe that beat up old red pickup truck that she drove home from Florida. Favorite color? Blue, a soft blue. She was eclectic and saved everything everyone gave her. She couldn't bring herself to throw away her mom's stuff after she died. I still miss her so much. I keep thinking I'm getting over it, but here I am drowning on about it now, feeling that ever-so present lump in my throat start to swell...
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