Day two of blankity, blank, blank. It is difficult to embrace a lull in life, ie feelings and passion. I'm generally such a driven person; following each fleeting interest until I eventually become so consumed that nothing else matters. As I sit here, my attention is frequently pulled to a random cooking competition and I start to question myself, yet again. A self proclaimed non-TV viewer and I can not keep my eyes from wandering back as the drama unfolds. Because of this minuscule issue, I'm forced to acknowledge again, that I do not know who I am anymore. How is it possible that my full identity has disappeared? I"m not the person, I thought I was. Not that it is necessarily all bad. There are several things about this "person" that I didn't like and that I'm not wanting to hold onto, but what about the positive features? Why do I have to lose her as well? **Sigh** and then I get pulled back into the war of fairness and sitting rather comfy at my personal pity party.
But, I digress...
Tomorrow's the day.... The 1 year mark since I received the call that sent my world shutting down. I sit here and think, it wasn't much later than this, when she fell asleep and never woke again.
I hate therapy. I'm so pissed. I'm about to hit such a hard spot and that stupid therapist is so busy judging where my relationship is at, that she isn't focusing on what is really killing me. Blah!!! I completely think I'm wasting my time. I need some help! I'm still broken, I have no tools, I just wish I could experience happiness.
**sigh**
I'm probably just tired.
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