More and more I start to question my denial of God... I find that I've received messages and people have entered my life at times when I've needed them most. I can no longer assume fate/karma can have such a strong impact on my life. Nope, this must be something stronger, something bigger, SOMEONE with a PLAN for my life. It is still awkward to say "God this," or "God that," but the clumsiness I assume will fade in time. I'm finally at a point that I want to believe in something. This emptiness has become overwhelming... even with the sea of smiling faces at my window.
I look around me and all I see is care and concern for someone as small and insignificant as me. I've been blessed to meet people on here from around the world. These demographic strangers have influenced me more than my closest friend around the bend. All the people in my life, make it worth living... They give me reason to wake another day, good or bad, and embark upon the next twist of my journey. Without my family and friends, both close and online, I don't believe I would have had the strength to move on.
I fell tired the other night working on my blog. I ended with "Is bipolar easy?" Heck no, it's not! However, I have faith that once I manage it, instead of it managing me that I'll find the happiness I so long for. I wouldn't change a day of my life... Mistakes, betrayals, losses, loves, memories, successes. These things have given me something to fight for. I fight to overcome those negatives and I fight to achieve more positives.
Today was a rough day, but I ended it grateful for having another day to share with my family and friends.
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