Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The high tide of dispair has it's ugly crest at my heels...

The menacing face of my mania demon has reared it's head my way and is threatening my defeat. I'm overwhelmed with this ghost of past mistakes haunting my every moment, both waking and in the depth of my dreams. My heart screams, "MAKE IT STOP!!!" There is no relief in sight, I'm bound by disease. BIPOLAR, BIPOLAR, BIPOLAR... The chant fills my thoughts and capsizes any hope for a brighter tomorrow. Death seems inevitable.. but all around me I see the reasons for my existence. It seems that I must be destined to a life of mediocre fulfillment in order to maintain the balance in the life's of those I love.

I woke this morning with the urge to take my life at the cost of the world I've created. I chose to embark on the day, against every whim flowing through my body. The day progressively worsened and by 7 pm, I felt the day was wasted time, I should have been woman enough to say goodbye to it all. I'm pretty tired. I'll sleep tonight and hope for a brighter tomorrow....

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