Sometimes I hate, but always I love you

It has been months since my last post.... Partly due to the medication the doctor had me on; it was a real sedating drug. I couldn't do much past sleep my every free moment. Sometimes I feel like a real failure for my kids. It is hard to contribute as a parent when I only want to close my eyes. *SIGH*

When I was a child, I found the line, "Sometimes I hate you, but always I love you," printed below a picture of my father in one of my mother's photo albums. Since my mom died when I was only 7, I will never get the opportunity to know the person she truly was. Recently, I spoke with a relative that was pretty close to her, and in talking with her, I realized how similar I really am to what my mother was. This line rings true in my own relationship. Since October, when my husband left due to my own infidelity; I've struggled with this. I love my husband so much, yet I do so much to destroy him. I wonder what type of person I've become.

We are on separate, yet intertwining paths. I hope I can prove I'm not my mother.